TV Whoredom – Premiere Week Recap: Tuesday

Day Two of Fall TV Premiere Week….and I was all Gleeked out and ready.

As an addendum to Monday, the trades are all reporting that Lone Star will probably get cancelled after next week…toldja! Now here’s your Tuesday cheat sheet…

FOX-

So, Tuesday saw the launch of Fox’s new comedy block, headed by its returning juggernaut GLEE! Now, I have a love-hate relationship with Glee. As a former music theater dork and high school choir cult member, I love the show. I love the music and the singing is great and Jane Lynch is so pitch perfect I could watch her read the phone book. BUT, some of the cast and some of the editing is really bad when it comes to the lip synching! Lea Michele is fantastic, but if she overacted with her face any more, she’d deserve to get slapped. Stop blinking so hard! And she’s already clearly lost about 15 lbs since the first episode, so I’m gonna start to worry pretty soon.  But, the show was great, the singing –especially by Lea and guest star Charice (Jesus Christ, this girl is awesome!) – was great. And it premiered HUGE! So, congrats!

RAISING HOPE – The trailer for this new comedy was hilarious and the show didn’t really disappoint. It dropped off by almost half from Glee, but still performed better than shows in the timeslot the last couple years. And…it’s really funny! I think this will stick around for 8 episodes before Fox makes a decision, so tune in – you’ll laugh!

RUNNING WILDE – In the hands of lesser comedic minds than Mitch Hurwitz and Will Arnett (both from Arrested Development), this show would suck. But, Will Arnett is so damn funny and Keri Russell so damn cute that I found myself liking the show. I’m not sure it has enough material to keep going more than one season, but I’ll keep watching to find out. It won’t be for everyone, but I thought it was good enough.

CBS –

The return of NCIS and NCIS LA….umm….who cares? I’ve never seen either of these shows as I don’t live in the Midwest and I’m under 50 years old. But they were both down over 20% from last season. How NCIS became the number 1 show on TV…I don’t know. I like Mark Harmon and all, but…it’s as procedural as procedures get. But they are both here to stay for at least 2 more seasons.

NBC –

Biggest Loser’s latest season started and as someone who is going to a trainer and been eating right, I really wanted to be inspired…but I was left depressed. (You can check out my Losing Weight in LA Blog on Facebook). But these people couldn’t even walk/run a MILE. I’m not talking sprinting a mile – they couldn’t WALK a mile! 3 of them had to be seen by doctors after collapsing!  Seriously? And everyone had such a fucking sob story to tell – cancer, dead parents and siblings, anorexic children, botched surgeries – why do fat people need a heartbreaking story to get on the show? Isn’t being morbidly obese heartbreaking enough?  Biggest Loser premiered down 7% from last season, but it’s here to stay.

Parenthood…I didn’t watch it last night because I usually watch it On Demand over the weekend. This show has quickly become a total yawn though. That little Autistic kid needs a good smack and Dax Shephard proves how unwatchable he is week after week. I like Lauren Graham and Peter Krause, but I’m not sure I like them enough to keep watching much longer. I tune in for Allison Pill and Mae Whitman, who I’ve had a crush on for years. It premiered down from last year and doesn’t seem to be getting better, but it will stick around for the season (unless it starts totally tanking).

ABC –

Dancing with the Stars had its results show and The Hoff was the first to get the boot…I’m pretty surprised and pissed about this. I thought he’d be around for quite a while actually. I was sure that pudgy black kid or The Situation would be the first to go. Oh well. If casting agents are reading, someone give Hoff’s daughter a show because that girl is f’n gorgeous! I’d watch her dance anyday. Lambada! Anyway, it was still one of the top rated shows of the night, so DWTS is off to a great start.

Detroit 1-8-7 – This is one of the more controversial new shows and it’s all about the murder rate in Detroit (which is higher than the rate of fat people in Wisconsin).  In the vein of NYPD Blue – and also starring alum James McDaniel – alongside Sopranos star Michael Imperioli, the show was….good. It had some levity, some real dark stuff, and some nice acting. I DO miss NYPD Blue, so if this show can become that – great. I love that they have real CURSING in the show (bleeped out) which works for me because that’s how people actually talk. It premiered OK, strong enough not for execs to freak out yet, but the second and third week will determine its fate. I’m gonna root for this show, at least for a while. Tune in and check it out if you were a fan of the Blue. I give its chances for a full season at about 50/50.

Okay, that was Tuesday – a slower night than Monday and tonight’s Wednesday night line up is VERY important, so I’ll be back tomorrow walking you through what happened!

FALL TV PREMIERE WEEK: Summer Recap & Monday!

It’s that time again! When all the TV whores of the world stop returning phone calls, decline invitations to weekday gatherings, card games and bowling leagues, and ignore their children’s pleas for help with their homework to sit down, get comfy and enjoy the Fall TV Premiere Week.

And as one of their leaders, I feel it is my responsibility – nay, my God-given duty – to give all the others out there a day-by-day breakdown of the new TV season.

I know this summer has been rough. Even I started going to the gym on Wednesday and Friday nights because of the lack of anything on television. However, I found quite a few bright spots in TV Land this summer that kept me glued. First, there was Big Brother – which became my nightly addiction. Not only did I watch Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesdays at 8pm, but I went to sleep watching Big Brother After Dark on Showtime most nights at 2am. And I was very happy with the outcome of that show!

But the real guilty pleasures of mine this summer were TNT’s awesome Monday night combo of The Closer and new favorite show Rizzoli and Isles. I’m a sucker for a hot chick who can kick my ass, and Angie Harmon has been a crush of mine since her Law and Order days. I think it’s because she’s genuinely a nice person and she has really good comic and dramatic timing. Best new show on TV this summer (and better than pretty much any show that premiered on the networks last year!).  Can’t wait until next summer when they are back (though The Closer will have 7 or 8 new episodes starting in December I think). Covert Affairs was OK, and got another season, but was too light for me. Memphis Beat – Sorry, not for me. Ever since Jason Lee became a scientologist, I just don’t find him watchable. But it got renewed for a second season too and will return next summer.

I’ve also been watching the new season of Weeds and The Big C, though usually catching it at odd times or On Demand.  Mark my words now – Laura Linney wins the Emmy. It’s not even close. And of course, there was Entourage and True Blood. I was all ready to hate True Blood this season as I kinda thought they jumped the shark, but it was still really good. Even though it’s sad what they did to Stephen Moyer’s vamp-hero character, next season should be pretty cool.  If you’re not watching this show, go rent the DVD and give it 4 episodes and you’ll be hooked! Thank me later.

My other summer addiction/guilty pleasure– and this one I’m not so proud of – is anything Bravo. Yes, that’s right – I don’t have a vagina, but I do watch Bravo. And I don’t just mean the okay-for-men-to-watch Top Chef – which is awesome even though this season was its weakest in years. But no – I don’t stop there.  I love those damn Housewives! And I have a ridiculous crush on Bethenny Frankel, so you can bet I was watching her solo show. Kathy Griffin? Pure Gold. Rachel Zoe, yup – ba-nanas. Flipping Out? You bet I do. It doesn’t matter what it is, I’ll watch it…that’s what makes one a true TV whore.

Okay, so that was summer…but as the leaves turn, so do the stations…

Monday night saw the official premiere of a bunch of new shows. Was I excited? You betcha! So, here’s the breakdown by show along with my guesses on how long the show will last. And of course, my recommendation for if it’s worth watching…

ABC –

DANCING WITH THE STARS– Brisol Palin, America’s youngest whore hottie, put on some dancing shoes and shook her stuff. But the night belonged to Dirty Dancing star Jennifer Grey who mentioned Patrick Swayze more times than People Magazine. I’m not saying it was a cheap grab at the emotional vote, but it worked on me. Plus, she was pretty good. Combine that with The Drunken Hoff, Kurt Warner, Vehicular homicide’s own Brandy, Audrina Patridge, and the disgusting excuse for talent known as The Situation, and this season is already ahead of last fall’s season! Obviously this one ain’t going anywhere, so give in and watch it…If you don’t, Sarah Palin will hunt you down and shoot you from her helicopter.

CASTLE – One of my two favorite new shows from last season (along with The Good Wife) is back and better than ever. While I thought the tension between the two stars was solved too quickly and easily and could have been played out over 2 episodes, I just love Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic and together, they are just good fun! If you’re not watching Castle, you’re missing a great show. It premiered very well, so this one’s here to stay for the season. And by the way…if anyone knows the girl who plays Castle’s gorgeous red-headed daughter…I want to marry her.

CBS –

MIKE AND MOLLY – It’s this decade’s version of Roseanne except it starts when Roseanne meets Dan instead of after they are already married with kids. It’s funny and self-deprecating and Melissa McCarthy is so damn likeable. But the whole goal of the show is for these two people to fall in love as they try to lose weight. Chuck Lorre, the CBS God (who was also behind Roseanne) knows what makes fat people funny. And it premiered well enough, so expect this one to stick around the whole season, but second season will depend on if people tune in to watch 2 fat people make out. Without Jillian Michaels yelling at them.

HAWAII 5-0 – I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch this one (yet) because I find that I have an overwhelming urge to smack Scott Caan in the mouth. But Alex O’Laughlin has had 3 cancelled series in 4 years and he needs one to stick. It premiered VERY nicely in the timeslot and will definitely be around til midseason (too much promotion behind it not to stick for a while), but after that, who knows. Reviews have been great and it seems to be a good show.

FOX –

HOUSE – One of my favorite shows despite coming off a largely lackluster season. After Amber and Kutner died, I’m not sure the show didn’t jump the shark. But House is sober, he’s bangin’ Cutty and all is right with the world…right? Well, not really because Olivia Wilde and Jennifer Morrison both left the show leaving the painfully bland Jesse Spencer and the bored-to-still-be-on-the-show Omar Epps. The only bright spot? Peter Jacobson! Plus Hugh Laurie’s always awesome. So, hopefully this season will pull it out!

LONE STAR – You hear that? That’s the sound of a Fox executive getting fired for thinking this show was a good idea! Not only did it BOMB last night worse than the lowest expectation, but it got the lowest ratings of ANY show on ANY major network. And no, I didn’t watch it, because it looked AWFUL. Here’s an anatomy of a stupid idea for a TV show: A con man (played by a no-name actor) who is two-timing two women – a wife and a girlfriend – and bilking them both out of their family’s money to make his asshole father happy. And all of a sudden, he gets a conscience – and we’re supposed to care!? Did Fox execs REALLY think that in this economic climate, men would want to watch a show about a guy who cheats people out of money in a con man scheme? And that WOMEN would want to watch a show about a guy who is cheating on his wife and girlfriend? And Keith David and Jon Voight are great actors, but neither of them make the top 200 most likeable actors list. This show had NOTHING going for it. I give it ONE more week. Don’t bother tuning in.

NBC –

CHUCK – I’ll be honest, I never got into this show. It was brought back from death twice now and looks to be around all season, but unless it posts huge gains (unlikely), this will probably be its last season. I know it’s fun, but opposite DWTS and House, it’s just not good enough to make the must-see list for me.

THE EVENT – This was one of the biggest, most hyped, most advertised show of the new season. It’s supposed to be the new big serial like Lost or Flashforward (hopefully more like the former than the cancelled after 1 season latter). It’s Jason Ritter (who is likeable enough and I really enjoyed him on the too-short-lived comedy “The Class”), Laura Innes (love her from ER), Blair Underwood (seriously – does EVERY President on TV have to be Black just to make the point that no one is racist?), and the sublime Zeljko Ivanek (from Damages, but I’ve been a fan since the early 90s when he was on Homicide!). It was good – it made me want to watch another week. It’s got a sci-fi twist (sci-fi like Lost) and lots of interesting plot lines and it debuted BIG for NBC – best ratings in the time slot in years. So, with all the money behind this show, it’s here to stay for a while. Tune in and check it out. I’m not TOTALLY hooked yet, but I’ll keep watching until it unhooks me. Or maybe like Lost, I’ll be crying at its series finale 7 years from now.

CHASE – Seemingly completely procedural action-packed show in the vein of The Fugitive but with a kick ass blond chick doing the hunting and the fighting. Despite the always completely assholic Cole Hauser by her side, Kelli Giddich did a nice job and she’s likeable and easy to watch. I’m not sure it’s got enough steam or originality to last, but I give it 10 episodes until the network pulls it. It did perform better than Trauma and Mercy last season, but not by much and they only got full season pickups because of the Leno debacle. So, now without Leno in the way, NBC has no one to blame but themselves.

OTHER – How I Met Your Mother and Two & A Half Men (which, now that the kid is bigger than Jon Cryer needs to be retitled 3 Friggin Men) came back on…It’s unreal – Charlie Sheen could literally take a shit on a baby and post the video on YouTube and people would still tune in to watch him knock out cheesy one-liners and swarmy looks at the camera. It had HUGE ratings– biggest show of the night. So since he won’t – I’ll thank the fly-over states for Charlie. Thanks!

Ok folks, that was just Monday…I’ll be back tomorrow with Tuesday’s wrap up! Stay tuned!